Category Archives: Life as I Know It

Fighting a Losing Battle.

Do you hear that?
Can you sense that?
Listen closely to the fading
beat of my heart
Listen closely
to the fading
Beat… beat… bea… 

How often must we die inside
How often must we hurt
we realize
How many tears need to be shed
we realize
The battle has already been lost

Our love
is approaching death’s door.



I am a Christian.

Hello beautiful people!

Before I get into the whole Christian thing, I would just like to point out that I don’t care whether or not you hold the same beliefs as me.  This is in no way to try to persuade you to become a Christian or force Jesus down your throats. That is something I would never do and have no intention of ever doing.  Obviously everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and their own views on whether or not they think there is a higher being in the world.

This section is meant to be an insight as to how I find Christianity.  I will mostly be posting about what I’ve learned as I continue on my journey with Christ.  I will also be talking about the issues I face as a Christian that other young adult Christians may be facing.  If you happen to be Christian and disagree with whatever I have to say, I hope that you can come to me in a manner that isn’t belittling.  I am still young and still learning.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, my name is Christine Leo and I am a Christian.  I currently attend a Samoan Assembly of God church, but I don’t consider myself a specific type of Christian.  I believe in God.  I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and that he came down to save us from our sins. I believe that we are all worthy of His love, even those that don’t believe they do.

This is an account of my journey with Christ and I hope it provides some insight to all of you reading this.

A Final Goodbye.

Earlier on in this blog I wrote a poem for my biological father in hopes that he would see it.  Update, no he has not see it.  In fact, he’s done everything in his power to erase me from his life completely.

For so long, I have let him ruin me.  I let him poison my mind with thoughts that I wasn’t good enough. Let’s face it, if I wasn’t good enough for him, why should I be good enough for anyone else right?  WRONG.  It took me a really long time to realize it but I AM good enough.  I have to at least believe that.

So cheers to you “dad” and all of the baggage that comes with being your daughter.  Cheers to you for your abandonment.  Cheers to you writing me every once in a great while.  But most of all, cheers to you for showing me how great I am.  Because I am freaking awesome, and if you can’t see that, then best of luck.

If by chance you do check out my blog after all these years, here is your goodbye. From the daughter you never bothered to get to know.  From a broken soul reaching out for you.  From the strong person that rose from that broken soul.  Goodbye, dad.

Learning to Say Goodbye

“Goodbye, farewell, to you my friend…”  You know when you make a departure with someone and that song automatically pops into your head?  Probably not but oh well.  When I think of goodbye’s, most times I think about see-you-latters because that’s what we are programmed to think right?  Well, I guess that’s only in certain circumstances.

Some goodbyes were meant to be bittersweet.  Ex-lovers for example. I’ve never had guys falling for me, that’s ridiculous.  It’s not impossible but for the most part it’s pretty ridiculous.  But that’s besides the point.  Recently, I had to let go of someone that I grew to … Appreciate?  Appreciate sounds too small for what I felt for this person.  I’d say somewhere between appreciate and love.  I grew accustomed to knowing that he would be there for me at the end of a horrible day.  But then the big kicker came in and what do ya know, he has a girlfriend.  At that moment, I decided to cut all ties to him because if I were being honest with myself, I’d say that it hurt like hell.  For me, I talked to him hoping that maybe we would grow into something so much more than a complicated friendship.  Unfortunately for him, it was the opposite.

I told a friend about the situation and she couldn’t grasp the reason for me totally blocking him out of my life.  “But can’t you just be friends with him?” she asked.  Truth is, yes, I could have but I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to spend our friendship pining over him.  So I had to say goodbye.  In a way, it works out for both of us…

My whole life, I tried so hard not to say unnecessary goodbyes. If a goodbye ever came up, I would shy away and disappear.  But in the situation with the guy, I had to learn that some goodbye’s are necessary.  Even if you don’t want them to be, it’s needed.

Genuine Happiness

What does it mean to be genuinely happy?

Truly, genuinely, earth shattering, happiness.  The kind of happiness that leaves you on a natural high for weeks.  The kind of happiness that when feeling down, you know you can recall on that happiness to get you through.

It seems like everyone my age is so focused on their future careers and making that “breakthrough money”, it surprises me.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great thing that they’re so intent on creating their futures.  In fact, it’s expected: graduate high school,  go to college, (hopefully) graduate college, and last but not least, find that career job that you’ve been working so hard for.  Most follow this course, others however (like me), end up … Lost?

Lost doesn’t exactly seem like the right word but for the moment, it’s all that I can think of.  Anyways, the main point is that, where is the fun?  Where is the happiness?  We’re so pent up on fulfilling our expectations of ourselves, and others of us, that we forget to truly enjoy our life.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from my being lost, it’s that I can truly say I’m happy.  Sure, I’m not doing what I wanted to do when I got out of high school but I am happy.

Happiness means different things for many people.  To some, it might be that stellar career and luxury. But to me, it’s the fact that we can wake up to a new and exciting day.  It’s the fact that there is life all around me, and it is beautiful.

Whatever your definition of happiness is, chase it.  Because lets face it, life’s too good to be focusing on the sad things in life.

Amidst the Doubt

There you stay
With your new wife and your other kid
I’m supposed to call you Dad
But somehow, that just doesn’t seem right
We talk formally
Father and daughter?
Business associates seems more appropriate

In the midst of all that
I still hope

Hope that someday you’ll see
Hope that someday you’ll notice
There’s another kid in the picture
She’s begging for you to listen
Begging for you to see

You avert your eyes to your sin
You carry on as if I don’t exist
No calls on my birthday
No visits or I love you’s
Only phone calls
Every other year

In the midst of all that
I still hope

How to Love- Katie Cotugno


RATING: 5 of 5 stars

I have never done a book review before; I’m not sure what goes where and all that other technical good stuff so I’ll just be giving you a basic summary of the book and my rating.  Take note that my ratings are personally based so yeah, it’s not like “professional” or anything (does that even make sense?)…

I personally dislike it when people tend to give out the whole book and then I feel like I’ve already read it, so when I say “basic summary of the book”, I mean super basic.

The book is basically another take on Juno, where a girl gets pregnant as a teen and has to deal with the consequences of her actions.  The book goes back and forth between the past and the present.  Of course, this book is a beautifully complicated love story between two people but it is so much more than that.  I think this is a story of embracing the future and coming to terms with one’s past, much more than it is a love story.

Although I didn’t find myself crying, I did find myself moved.  In my opinion, it’s a book’s ability to move a reader that makes it worth reading.  For this reason, I give this book a fantastic 5/5.